Welcome, and On Being Cold
I have a lot of stupid thoughts that nobody wants to hear constantly running through my head, so I thought I would start a blog just so I have someplace to put them. And then, if any of my friends actually are interested in my mind jumbles, they can come here and read it on their own time. This is basically how I used my Livejournal back in the day, and I find I really miss having a low-stakes outlet for my thoughts.
I have no desire to post on a schedule or create any kind of ongoing series or really do anything with any type of constraints at all. Any time I commit to anything with a sense of obligation I almost always have instant regret, so I'm telling myself in advance that I'm not going to feel bad about myself if this is literally the only post I make to this page. It doesn't matter!
Now that I've ~set the tone~ for this page, I'm going to complain about cold things, probably my favorite subject to complain about.
Ice water. Lately I've been ranting to Chris about America's fixation with "ice water culture" which led to an unfortunate incident where he jokingly called me Un-American and then said "I love ice" in a public place. I hope nobody overheard and misunderstood! To be clear, we both hate ICE, but only I hate lowercase ice. I don't like how it makes the glass super sweaty on the outside. I hate the feeling of ice against my teeth, and I hate using straws to avoid feeling ice against my teeth. I would rather drink a glass of water that is slightly too warm than one filled with ice. But asking for drinks without ice makes you an uptight fussy customer, so I usually just suck it up. On one occasion, when ordering off a cocktail menu at a restaurant, I figured I would ask the server which ones were served straight up, but of course it was that particular server's first week on the job so she had to go back and ask a bunch of people to figure it out and then I was slightly mortified for making her chase down the answer. I don't even remember what I got. I should have just ordered beer.
Ice cream. I actually like ice cream a lot, especially in summer. But I'm throwing this in the list anyway because of a recent conversation at a wedding where I made the apparently controversial statement that I would rather have a second slice of cake than a soft serve cone from the truck that the bride and groom had arranged for the reception. This was Momofuku cake (three flavors)! Sorry, but soft serve is already the least good style of ice cream; cake wins for me every time.
Bundling up. "Being cold is easier than being hot because you can always add layers, but you can only take off so many!" NO. Fuck you. I am not here to bash people who run hot because I'm sure that's miserable in its own way, but fuck anyone who, first of all, makes a contest out of something that is obviously subjective, and second of all, seems to think that it's any more normal (or comfortable) to wear a winter coat and hat in your office than it is to be in a tank top or undershirt or whatever. Not to mention the body parts that can't be bundled, like my nose, which is ice-cold to the touch most months of the year. On top of that, I just simply hate the feeling of being bundled in the first place. It's part of the problem, not a solution to it. I wish I could live my life in a breezy sleeveless dress or t-shirt and jeans and never ever need to wear a coat. I realize that the best solution to this problem is to move somewhere like California or Florida and work remotely so I never have to be stuck in an overly air conditioned office building, but unfortunately I don't think that's a feasible life plan at the moment.
Frosted pint glasses. Stupid. I do like my beer cold, despite the above rants, but freezing the glass is pointless and feels weird to touch.
Unnatural breezes (aka "fans"). There's nothing lovelier than sitting on the beach or grass and feeling a nice breeze on a warm day. Or riding on top of a ferry and letting the wind whip your hair around. But artificial wind makes my skin crawl! Standing in front of a fan or cool air vent is basically torture (I'm allowed to use hyperbole on my blog). If I'm in a cold place and the air is still, I won't love it but I can get used to it once my skin goes numb. But if I feel even a hint of cold motion in the air, it's like it gets into my brain and chills me from my soul outward. Down with fans! Natural wind only!!
All that said, I am still a human being and sometimes I do get too hot. I don't have an infinite heat tolerance. But I do find that the type of suffering I experience from too much heat is only a fraction of how miserable I feel when I am too cold. Like the way that some people will walk in the bitter cold and they kind of hate it but they also kind of feel vibrant and alive because of the extreme elements--that's how I felt going to the beach on a 100-degree day this year (caveat: WITH shade, plenty of water, sunscreen, light fabric coverups [the real secret to being comfy and unburned in the sun]). Like yeah, it doesn't feel great but you just kind of melt and submit to the sun's will and let the sweat cover you until you're a human puddle. Good times!
Ice water. Lately I've been ranting to Chris about America's fixation with "ice water culture" which led to an unfortunate incident where he jokingly called me Un-American and then said "I love ice" in a public place. I hope nobody overheard and misunderstood! To be clear, we both hate ICE, but only I hate lowercase ice. I don't like how it makes the glass super sweaty on the outside. I hate the feeling of ice against my teeth, and I hate using straws to avoid feeling ice against my teeth. I would rather drink a glass of water that is slightly too warm than one filled with ice. But asking for drinks without ice makes you an uptight fussy customer, so I usually just suck it up. On one occasion, when ordering off a cocktail menu at a restaurant, I figured I would ask the server which ones were served straight up, but of course it was that particular server's first week on the job so she had to go back and ask a bunch of people to figure it out and then I was slightly mortified for making her chase down the answer. I don't even remember what I got. I should have just ordered beer.
Ice cream. I actually like ice cream a lot, especially in summer. But I'm throwing this in the list anyway because of a recent conversation at a wedding where I made the apparently controversial statement that I would rather have a second slice of cake than a soft serve cone from the truck that the bride and groom had arranged for the reception. This was Momofuku cake (three flavors)! Sorry, but soft serve is already the least good style of ice cream; cake wins for me every time.
Bundling up. "Being cold is easier than being hot because you can always add layers, but you can only take off so many!" NO. Fuck you. I am not here to bash people who run hot because I'm sure that's miserable in its own way, but fuck anyone who, first of all, makes a contest out of something that is obviously subjective, and second of all, seems to think that it's any more normal (or comfortable) to wear a winter coat and hat in your office than it is to be in a tank top or undershirt or whatever. Not to mention the body parts that can't be bundled, like my nose, which is ice-cold to the touch most months of the year. On top of that, I just simply hate the feeling of being bundled in the first place. It's part of the problem, not a solution to it. I wish I could live my life in a breezy sleeveless dress or t-shirt and jeans and never ever need to wear a coat. I realize that the best solution to this problem is to move somewhere like California or Florida and work remotely so I never have to be stuck in an overly air conditioned office building, but unfortunately I don't think that's a feasible life plan at the moment.
Frosted pint glasses. Stupid. I do like my beer cold, despite the above rants, but freezing the glass is pointless and feels weird to touch.
Unnatural breezes (aka "fans"). There's nothing lovelier than sitting on the beach or grass and feeling a nice breeze on a warm day. Or riding on top of a ferry and letting the wind whip your hair around. But artificial wind makes my skin crawl! Standing in front of a fan or cool air vent is basically torture (I'm allowed to use hyperbole on my blog). If I'm in a cold place and the air is still, I won't love it but I can get used to it once my skin goes numb. But if I feel even a hint of cold motion in the air, it's like it gets into my brain and chills me from my soul outward. Down with fans! Natural wind only!!
All that said, I am still a human being and sometimes I do get too hot. I don't have an infinite heat tolerance. But I do find that the type of suffering I experience from too much heat is only a fraction of how miserable I feel when I am too cold. Like the way that some people will walk in the bitter cold and they kind of hate it but they also kind of feel vibrant and alive because of the extreme elements--that's how I felt going to the beach on a 100-degree day this year (caveat: WITH shade, plenty of water, sunscreen, light fabric coverups [the real secret to being comfy and unburned in the sun]). Like yeah, it doesn't feel great but you just kind of melt and submit to the sun's will and let the sweat cover you until you're a human puddle. Good times!
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